Politics & Humour............!

"I am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere.
Come and bring a friend - if you have one."
...George Bernard Shaw (to Winston Churchill)
"Impossible to be present for the first performance.
Will attend second - if there is one."
...Winston Churchill, in reply


"If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee."
...Lady Astor (to Winston Churchill)
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
...Winston Churchill, in reply


"You will either die on the gallows or of a loathsome disease."
...John Montague (to John Wilkes)
"That depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
...John Wilkes, in reply


"He can't help it - he was born with a silver foot in his mouth."
...Ann Richards (about George Bush)


"Nixon's motto was: If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
...Norman Cousins (about Richard M. Nixon)


"If you haven't found something worth dying for, you aren't fit to be living."
...Martin Luther King, Jr.


"Kites rise highest against the wind--not with it."
...Winston Churchill


"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
...Winston Churchill


"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
...Martin Luther King Jr.


"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
...Dan Quayle


"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress; but I repeat myself."
...Mark Twain


"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind."
...John Fitzgerald Kennedy


"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the
opportunity in every difficulty."
...Winston Churchill


"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
...John F. Kennedy


"I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom."
...General Patton


"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much."
...Jackie Kennedy


"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."
...Margaret Thatcher


"Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society."
...Rush Limbaugh (like he's one to talk)


"Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die."
...Herbert Hoover


"Pro is to con as progress is to congress."
...Unknown


"Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war than we know about peace, more about killing than we know about living. We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the Sermon on the Mount."
...General Omar N. Bradley


"My first wish is to see this plague of mankind, war, banished from the earth."
...George Washington


"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
...Sir Winston Churchill


"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."
...Sir Winston Churchill


"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened."
...Sir Winston Churchill


"No one can guarantee success in war, but only deserve it."
...Sir Winston Churchill


"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
...Sir Winston Churchill


"Throughout the history of mankind there have been murderers and tyrants; and while it may seem momentarily that they have the upper hand, they have always fallen. Always."
...Mahatma Ghandi


"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies."
...Groucho Marx


"In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican."
...Henry Louis Mencken


"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."
...Ronald Reagan


"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then - we elected them."
...Lily Tomlin



"Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far."
...Theodore Roosevelt


"There is only one quality worse than hardness of heart and that is softness of head."
...Theodore Roosevelt


"I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't."
...Mark Twain

"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress."
...Mark Twain

"I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it."
...Harry S. Truman

"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."
...Harry S. Truman

"I don't know who my grandfather was; I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be."
...Abraham Lincoln


"The ballot is stronger than the bullet."
...Abraham Lincoln


"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves."
...Abraham Lincoln


"Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally."
...Abraham Lincoln


"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
...Ronald Reagan


"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
...Plato


"Politics is actually a combination of two words: "poli", which means many, and "tics", which means bloodsuckers."
...Jay Leno


"To err is human. To blame someone else is politics."
...Hubert H. Humphrey


"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex ... uh...setbacks."
...George Bush