Top 5 Regrets of the Dying Persons

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to
die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last
three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced
with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someones
capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety
of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and
eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they
departed though, every one of them. When questioned about any regrets they had
or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.
Here are the most common five:

1.
I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all.When people realize that their life is almost
over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone
unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to
die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very
important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the
moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very
few realize, until they no longer have it.

2.
I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and
their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most
were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been bread
winners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their
lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and
making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income
that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become
happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new
lifestyle.

3.
I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a
result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were
truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness
and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of
others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way
you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole
new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship
from your life. Either way, you win.

4.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying
weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so
caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over
the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time
and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are
dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But
when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life
fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible.
But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They
want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually
though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down
to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final
weeks, love and relationships.

5.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a
choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called
"comfort" of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as
their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to
theirselves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh
properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed,
what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able
to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is your life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.