Revelations of a sister who stormed out of a nunnery

By Salil Jose

A bright teenage girl of a middle class Catholic family in Kerala attends a retreat programme in the college and realises that the purpose of her life is to be a nun. She joins a nunnery and continues her college education, becomes a nun and an English lecturer in a college run by her congregation. Later, she becomes the principal of the college. The realities in the nunnery shock her. Her liberal views are opposed by her superiors. She is portrayed as insane and forced to resign as principal. As she can`t bear the ill-treatment any more, she leaves the congregation. Once out of the convent, she exposes the life in the nunnery through a book.

`Amen: The Autobiography of a Nun` by Sister Jesme, who had been a member of the Congregation of the Mother of Carmel for 33 years, was first published in Malayalam in February this year. The book has provoked lots of reactions in Kerala. It has been called a `shocking account of the life within the enclosure`. Many consider it a taboo-breaking book while conservative people criticise the book and the author. Some call her a harlot on the basis of an incident narrated in the book.

Penguin Books- India published the English version of the book last June. Contrary to what has been highlighted from many corners, the book is not fully an outpouring of the bad experiences of a nun. On the other hand, Sr Jesme narrates the good aspects of the life in the congregation, too.

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She narrates how the nuns take care of the aged among them, how they balance the official work and the chores in the convent, how they adjust to all odds and share whatever they have.

People often criticise the nuns for throwing big feasts. But the author says most often nuns forgo one meal for days or weeks to make enough money for such feasts. The author has only good things to say when it comes to nuns and the Vow of Poverty.

But there are incidents of nuns breaking the Vow of Chastity. The author mentions that illicit relations exist among priests and nuns. Lesbianism or `special love` is common among nuns. A nun named Sr Vimy (the author says she has changed many names in the book to avoid hurting people whom she knows) develops such a special affection for Sr Jesme. And they indulge in this special love for a few months till Sr Vimy is transferred to another convent.

The author narrates her journey to Bangalore where she stays with a priest `who is well-known and noted for his celibacy and holiness`. The priest takes her to Lalbagh and shows many couples beneath the trees. He tells her about priests and bishops who `sleep with women`.

Back in his room, the priest embraces Jesme. While she struggle to escape, he squeezes her breasts and asks her to show them to him. When she refuses, he asks her, ``Have you seen a `man`?`` As she shakes her head, the priests undresses himself.

`Now I`m curious enough to watch! I have read in novels about this but have never seen one with my own eyes,` the author says.

`After a while he shows me a milky liquid oozing from there and lectures me on the `thousand lives` it has. Although I resist undressing myself , after repeated persuasion, I oblige, and show him `a female` on the condition that it will be for a twinkle of an eye.`

Nuns take the Vow of Obedience. But Sr Jessme doesn`t believe in blind obedience. She is for responsible obedience. As principal of St Mary's College in Thrissur, her conscience forces her to oppose many of the policies of the management. She is against taking capitation fee or extra fee from students. Her superiors consider it to be serious disobedience on her part.

Sr Jesme is popular among students and teachers because of her liberal views. She encourages students to watch movies and to make campus movies for themselves. She is called a `Cine-Nun`. But her superiors accuse her of forcing the students watch vulgar movies.

Her liberal views and disobedience ultimately result in her being portrayed as insane. She is forced to undergo treatment for insanity. She is asked to step down from the principal`s post.

Sr Jesme turns to Christ for guidance and she says He shows her the way. She is told that her mission is to `lead the lay-religious`.

Though her relatives supported her at the beginning, they are not able to accept her decision to quit the congregation. But she leaves the `formidable fortress`.

Jesme expresses her anger at the way the Church belittles women. She feels the anti-women attitude of St Paul, the most spiritual Apostle, is responsible for this.

If the book is `unputdownable`, the main reason is its style. The author uses simple present tense throughout and it helps her take the reader from one interesting incident to another smoothly. The reader finds himself/herself even in the most restricted enclosures of the convent as witness to the incidents happening there.

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Autobiographies would always be one-sided, true. The reader is always at the mercy of the author when it comes to facts. Sr Jesme doesn`t narrate the chain of events that led to the authorities branding her insane. All of a sudden, she writes she is asked to meet a psychiatrist and the reader feels some links are missing.

Quoting Emerson, Jesme always says she has the Divine Majority. But she fails to know the sensibility of the real majority. Had she tried to understand the real majority`s point of view, the book would have been more convincing.